learning to be soft to be strong

i have to admit - i love the feeling of sore muscles. they tell me that i have been good, working my ass off. quite often the soreness would last for a few days. and since yoga came into my life a decade ago, this soreness has always been around. it came to a point that i felt strange if i felt my body pain-free.

i had always thought that was normal but then a little voice inside my head started to question - why would i still feel so sore after all these years even when the practice has been a progressive improvement.

two and a half years ago i started my ashtanga practice and thanks to the video function of instagram i have been able to check out how other people do yoga. i was totally spellbound by the grace, the effortless, the control and also the softness in their practice.

but still i was powering through my own. feeling happy but totally dead afterwards.

my teacher has also spotted the excess power in my flow and told me i needed to be more relaxed.

more relaxed? huh? ok. whatever. i’d try. as i breathed in during the half forward fold i reminded myself to try to relax but when i exhaled, i was pulling.

so it wasn’t really happening. and i continued to stare in awe of how people practice with what appears to be 0 effort in ig videos.

until one day during led class it hit me. just when i was about to jump through an image of a very graceful yogi sailing through from down dog to dandasana popped into my head and i thought “hold on. what if i become soft?” and guess what? i sailed right through, toes NOT grazing over the mat for the very first time in life!

i kept this “softness” approach with me for the rest of the practice and also after that and i found i don’t feel exhausted anymore. i still feel tired but there’s still power in my “battery” and my muscles don’t scream anymore.

i have finally realised for so long i have been using way too much power and effort in my practice. i was actually wasting my energy. just like in life, it’s either 0 or 100 for me and no in-betweens. now i’m trying to learn how to live life with a bit more chill.

what about you? are you trying too hard in life?